1. Blackened Voo-Doo
Save yourself the 8 bucks and go mop your kitchen floor and drink what you squeeze out, and you come close to what drinking Blackened Voo-Doo is like. I know what you are thinking, what a cool name, what a cool looking bottle. That is how I was duped. Purely a marketing ploy folks, what is in the bottle couldn't taste worse if they tried. This bile is made in New Orleans, and has a picture of a swamp on the front, which is where I think they get their water from. I think you can actually taste every piece of sediment coming down the Mississippi. I was unable to finish the bottle, but my cousin choked it down over the course of a couple of hours. He says that the good thing is after one, even the most seasoned drinker can have a buzz. I say just drop some acid, it's probably healthier.
2. Busch
I know what you are probably thinking. There are far worse beers than Busch out there, (i.e. Schlitz, Natural Light, Olde English, etc..) Well, boys and girls, I am operating under the assumption that you know not to drink those beers in the first place. That is one of those things you learned at your first high school party when no one could afford anything better. Compounded with this, is the fact that Busch is a Budweiser product, and I certainly expect better than this from them. Busch makes this list because in a family of good beers, it is the black sheep. Also, because I have seen Busch make a grown man, and heavy-drinker, cry. It is that painful.
3. Coors Light
Cover your ears, I am about to bad-mouth some people's favorite beer. I promise to do it tastefully. I think the problem with the Silver Bullet is that it took a beer, found the only way to ruin it, and did it in mass quantities. Some of us remember the days of Coors Original, when it wasn't even available East of Texas. Now that was, and still is, a pretty damn good beer. Now I am not a expert on Coors' brewing, but I do know that water in Colorado is COLD and CLEAN, which I am sure makes for a good brew. Now, knowing all of this, why, for the love of Christ, why would you RUIN it by making it into a LIGHT BEER!!?? Are we so afraid that Rednecks won't be able to fit into their wifebeaters if they drink a regular beer? This is the greatest tragedy in Beer history. For some reason, the best thing about a beer from Golden, CO, the water, is circumvented in order to mass produce crap so that they can corner the market of poor white trash. I am sorry, I'm getting emotional. Please, if you must drink Coors, drink the original. It's a far better beer and it signifies everything that is good and right with the world.
4. Carib
This horrid brew caught my attention while I was in St. Maarten, NA. This is one of the most popular beers (other than Red Stripe) in the islands. I don't know why. It tastes like the bastard offspring of Corona and Coors Light. I highly suggest, if you are in the Carribean, stick with Red Stripe unless you are dying of thirst.
5. Boulevard
Maybe I am going to make some enemies in the MidWest, but while on business in Kansas City I tried this local brew. Maybe it's just me, but this beer tastes like a bad wheat beer, sediment and all. The label says Pale Ale, so that's what I was expecting. So, my question is: Is this a mediocre wheat beer, or a really bad Pale Ale?
UPDATE 5/20/07: On a recent return trip to Kansas City, I was exploring an outdoor market with my family. My uncle bought me a draft Boulevard. Unable to disgrace myself by denying his kind gesture, I drank it. To my surprise, it was GOOD!! Very good. Afterwards I told him of my first experience with Boulevard and he passed on to me the secret: the bottling. Apparently they are not very good at the process and Boulevard is only good on tap. A word to the wise!